Whatever Happened to Manners?

I feel far too young to be one of the old fogies complaining about the youth and their lack of simple manners so I won't be. Instead, I intend on complaining about the middle aged.

I am not saying that all middle-aged people are rude, just most of them. Funnily enough, whilst working I have never come across an ill-mannered elderly person, nor a badly behaved child. More often than not, I find myself chatting with the blue-hairs and complimenting parents on their child's manners. It is the middle-aged that could learn a thing or two.

To paint the picture, our outside section is out the heavy front doors, which are closed when it's cold and push from the inside out. When I'm taking in several plates/glasses from outside, it can be very tricky to get the doors open. Sometimes there's a wait-station there that we can put things on, sometimes there is not. The other night was one of the latter situations. It was also freezing cold and I had a stack of plates and several glasses in my hands. Our doorman hadn't started yet. As I was arranging everything in my hands, several people came in and out of the doors (which shut quite quickly). Like a good little waitress, I greeted everyone coming in and bid everyone leaving a good night. Not one single person made any attempt to hold the door and let me in. One elderly man sitting with his family at table one noticed me outside, got up from his dinner and opened the door for me. As I was thanking him and coming in, he observed the lack of gentlemen in the world today.

Now I'm a feminist; I believe in equal rights and equal pay for all. I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle. I don't need a man to open a door for me. But on the same note, a gentleman is nice. The Boy insists on carrying the groceries. He walks on the side of the cars when we walk down the street. He opens doors for me. I do not require this, but it's nice. Really though, my point is not just that of the gentleman. It is common human courtesy to hold a door for someone coming in after you.

Arseholes

Last night was strange. We didn't have any of the coffee crazies come in (the regulars who I know and love) and only two of the normal suits. However, we did have an abundance of asshats.

First was the couple who camped for seven hours. I am not joking. For the last three hours they only had tap water. Also, the man was the kind of guy who speaks veeeerrryyy slowly to waitstaff because we must all be stupid. Honestly, how many people need "two Glenfiddich 18yrs, neat, but one only a half shot with a jug of water on the side" explained to them four times in different ways? I'm not saying okay and repeating your order back because I don't understand you. Whiskey is not hard. Reading Kant is hard. But I digress.

Second was the woman who showed up at 11pm on a Friday to a packed bar demanding a table inside for her and your nine friends. This was simply not going to happen, we had no free tables, chairs or even standing room inside. When I explained this to her, she pointed to three guys sitting at a four-top (waiting for their three partners to come back from the bathroom) and asked why I couldn't make them move. Because they've been here since dinner, have been coming here for eleven years and tipped me fifty dollars as well as being lovely, that's why.

I think last night must've been a full moon or the wind changed or something. Send me better luck for tonight!

The Best Thing I Have Ever Said

The other night I discovered that I can say pretty much whatever I like whilst working and as long as I do it smiling, no one notices that I've just said something incredibly crude/insulted them. This is the story of how I discovered this. Of course, you treat different tables differently; I would never have said this to a table of two little old ladies, for example.

It was about 10.30ish on a Friday night. Usually people aren't drunk that early but there are some exceptions, these two guys were an exception. I was doing outside section and stopped in to check on them. The exchange went as follows.

S - Can I get you another drink?

M - No I'm good. But I have to ask you, are you spiritual?

S - That depends on what you mean by spiritual.

M - I mean, do you ponder about why we're here and who put us here and all that?

S - I'm a second year Philosophy student, so I ponder, definitely. I believe in a Philosophical god, rather than a traditional Christian one. But I guess I'd consider myself spiritual, yes.

M - Do you believe in the second coming?

S - I don't really believe in the first one.

M - No, if I say the words "Second Coming", what do they mean to you?

(At this point I looked at him, looked at his friend who had the look of exasperation the sober man gets when his drunk friend is asking waitresses strange questions, looked back at the drunk guy and replied:)

S - Multiple orgasms.

And then I walked away, leaving sober friend cracking up and drunk friend wondering what just happened.

Tugging the Heart Strings

Something that happened the other night reminded me of this story.

There's one guy, a friend of Odette, that comes in every so often. He's very wealthy and very nice, he leaves enormous tips and buys everyone working rounds of drinks. So a little while ago he came in and quietly told Odette that he wanted to buy one table's dinner. He also didn't want anyone to know that he'd done it. He left choosing the table to Odette and asked her to tell him who she picked.

There was one elderly couple in having dinner, they were both about eighty and very sweet. So Odette chose them and pointed them out to mystery man. He gave her his card and told her to charge their bill to it. She sorted that all out quietly and watched as the situation panned out.

The couple finished their meal and asked for the bill. Odette said "I'm not entirely sure how to tell you this, but a guest here has paid your bill already." Understandably, they were confused. She called over Mario and together they explained that a mystery customer had paid for their meal for them and didn't want to be identified. The woman started crying and explained that it was their wedding anniversary -  they'd been married for sixty years - and nothing like this ever happened to them. Odette and Mario bought them dessert and coffee on the house and told them to enjoy their evening. The couple finished the dessert and left holding hands.

Odette told me later that in over ten years of hospitality work, that was the only time she has ever teared up whilst working.