Right, well I'm starting to get confused with the aliases I've given everyone, so we'll get them straight now. This is only the front of house, kitchen staff and regulars will need their own separate posts.
Chief - The big boss (sort of, he's not actually allowed to own a bar because of past drug convictions, so technically his wife owns everything). He's a lovely guy who drinks Pinot Noir like it's going out of fashion, smokes like a chimney and has a wicked speed habit. Lovely and well-meaning though he is, he's going mad so drives us all fucking insane when he starts trying to tell us how to work.
Mrs Chief - Possibly the scariest woman I have ever met, and I don't scare easy. She's beautiful even though she must be pushing 60 and she's always flawlessly dressed. She owns everything and holds the liquor license cause Chief's not allowed to. I was terrified of her for months when I started, until we had a Secret Santa day last Christmas and showed up, excited as a little kid, wearing a Santa hat and gave everyone bottles of champagne. Now I'm slightly less scared of her.
Mario - The resident, crazy maitre d. He's about 5"7, 50 years old and very, very Italian (from Sicily). He calls everyone darling, takes hour-long smoke breaks and adores dirty jokes. He also drinks wine like no one I've ever seen, you hardly ever see him drink, but the give away is finding wine glasses with condensation still on them. He also has a tendency to drink glasses of wine meant for customers, especially on slow nights. A man his age, in this industry who does and says the things he does would have been fired long ago, but for his accent and skill at talking to people. It took me two months to be able to understand a word he said.
Odette - One of the managers, called so because she's beautiful and a dancer but also has a wicked speed habit (and access to the best drugs in the city). I adore her, she's lovely and the only person who doesn't yell at you if you call in sick. She's been at the bar for eight years but is leaving in a month for a managers job at another restaurant.
Mother Hen - The general bar manager. She's terrifying too and it took her a long time to warm up to me, but now that she has, she's amazing. She's everyone's mum but I've learnt after one too many 8am walks home to never go out drinking with her after work. She knows every single hospo worker in the city and has been in the industry for nearly twenty years. She has the best "don't fuck with me" face I have ever seen, I'm trying to learn it. Also married to our bouncer.
Lurch - The manager on Sundays and Mondays, he's huge. Easily over 6 foot, he's incredibly protective of the female staff, especially when we go out for post-work drinks and a lovely guy. He is, however, a nut job when he's drunk. One of the first things I learnt is that "when Lurch suggests a party back at his place, you go home."
Short Stuff - Another maitre d, he's shorter than me (I'm 5"4), Maori and hilariously funny with the filthiest mind I've ever come across. He gives everyone nicknames when they start, I'm Roaring Meg Mount Difficulty (named after a wine) because I never roar at anyone. He's one of my favourite staff members, though he works day shifts so leaves fairly early every night.
A - The bouncer. Married to Mother Hen, but far more chatty and relaxed. They've been together for years and are the sweetest couple I've ever seen. He's a personal trainer during the day and is hilariously funny. Drinks a lot of coffee but very little booze and tends to go on strange diets where anything white is banned.
Superman - Built like a tank, he owns a construction business and goes to university during the day, he only works as a maitre d on Sunday and Monday nights and nights like New Years Eve. He's severely ADHD and only sleeps about four hours a night. He's harsh, he made me cry once, but he knows his stuff and he's funny. We have a love/hate relationship.
Honeybee - My favourite waitress. She started two weeks before I did and we work mostly the same shifts. She's training to be an air hostess and working at the bar at nights for the hospo experience. She's stunningly beautiful and a lot of fun. We sing together when it's boring.
Frenchie - Obviously, she's French. She's a waitress/bartender but her true calling is photography. Unlike most of her fellow French hospo workers, she sees this as simply a job that's good for travelling with, she doesn't care too much about service (which is much more fun than caring a lot). I went in for dinner once, asked her what the soup was and she replied "I don't fucking know, but there's probably no love in it."
Mary-Jane - Our newest waitress, she's a lovely girl (and gorgeous) but working with her drives me mad. She's sometimes lazy and tends to do stupid things like getting high on her break and not being able to work. However, she is great for a post-work drink.
Kilt - The newest bartender, she's beautiful and Scottish and hilarious. She dances behind the bar and is great for a laugh. I don't know her well enough yet to say more.
Cookie - The glassie, sometime bartender and my old flatmate, he's also one of my best friends from before we worked together. Tall, swishy and fabulous he's the only gay in the village (at the moment, anyway). Mario thinks we're like Will and Grace, he's not wrong.
And last but not least,
The Boy - As well as my lover, he's a bartender; he's been at the bar off and on for six years (it was his first job out of high school). He's also our resident pot-head, always good for a meeting in the kitchen after work and wonderful at his job. The first person ever to make me break my rule of not screwing the crew, it works fine because he's incredibly chilled and makes the best hazelnut margaritas. Plus, he puts extra booze in my drinks, that always helps.
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